Deceive Me Read online

  I take him to a cheap restaurant on the seafront near the old fort and watch him gobble down a plate of fish and chips like he hasn’t eaten in days.

  ‘Thanks for this, Joanna,’ he says, draining the beer I’ve bought him. ‘You’re a good girl really. I always said you wasn’t a selfish bitch.’ To whom? I wonder. But at this point I’m really past caring.

  ‘What did you remember about Grace?’ I ask coldly. ‘You said on the phone that you remembered something about Grace.’

  He puts a forkful of fish in his mouth and chews. His lips smack together as he eats. The sound grates on my nerves and I want to scream, punch him or both. Instead I sit with my hands folded in my lap watching him, trying to hide my loathing. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t remembered anything. This is all just a ruse to get me here so he can leech more money out of me.

  ‘She was a beautiful baby, wasn’t she, your Grace?’ he says dreamily. ‘Looked like a tiny little doll.’

  ‘You’re wasting my time,’ I say, standing up.

  ‘I saw her in Ayia Napa,’ he blurts.

  ‘You already told us that. We went and checked the club where you claimed you saw her. No one there had ever laid eyes on her. I don’t believe she was ever there.’

  He shrugs, looks vaguely out to sea. ‘Maybe it was a different club. I can’t remember. But I saw her all right. I didn’t tell you that she spoke to me, did I?’

  I dig my nails into my palms. He’s lying, I’m sure, but I sit and listen to him anyway, to the bullshit spewing out of his mouth.

  ‘I tried to persuade her to come home. I said, “Your mum and dad are looking for you, Grace, they’re worried sick.” But she didn’t want to listen to me, did she? She was drunk or high on something. She shouted at me. Do you want to know what she said?’

  ‘Not really,’ I say.

  But he leans forward anyway and whispers in my ear.

  I walk along the seafront, my mind working overtime. After leaving Dave at his hotel my thoughts are churning and my body is full of nervous energy. I need to calm myself, so I go to the marina, head out along the jetty and lean on the railing, looking down at the sea. The water is green and restless, constantly moving, casting dancing ripples of light on the boats’ hulls. The sight of the sea usually soothes me but right now I am too agitated to be comforted, and my thoughts are too confused. I’m know that Dave was lying about seeing Grace in Ayia Napa and what she said to him. There were too many details in his story that didn’t add up. But they did speak last weekend, when he came to the house. I’m terrified that Grace knows the truth now, that he told Grace what he’d figured out or at least said enough for her to guess. Could that be why she’s run away? Is he the reason I’ve lost her?

  I take a deep shuddering breath and head to the bus stop. My feet feel heavy and it’s an effort just putting one foot in front of the other. Everything feels as if it’s slipping out of my control and I have no idea what to do about it.

  When I finally get home there’s no sign of Chris or Lola. Chris’s van is parked outside, and the front gate has been left wide open. The gate is always closed in case Lola smells a cat or something to eat and decides to wander off so I’m guessing that Chris has taken her out for a walk. Good, it gives me time, the time I need to compose myself.

  I unlock the door and kick off my flip-flops. Then I fling myself down on the sofa and close my eyes, trying to block out all the images crowding in my head. I need to focus on what really matters. And what really matters is Grace and Jack and Chris. Whatever I do, I need to keep this family together, I tell myself. Whatever I’ve done I’ve done to protect Chris and Grace . . . and Jack.

  Jack!

  Shit. It’s five o’clock already and I said I’d pick him up from Angelo’s at four. With all that’s been going on I completely forgot. I rummage in my bag for my phone, expecting to find lots of missed calls from Stella. But my phone isn’t there. Not in the front pocket and not in any of the other compartments. That’s weird. Where could it be?

  I sigh with annoyance and, ridiculously, feel tears springing up in my eyes. It’s laughable to cry at this moment over something so trivial as a lost phone when there’s so much else to cry about, but I suppose it feels like it’s a symptom of something bigger – further proof that everything is slipping out of my control. Calm down, Jo, I say to myself. It can’t just disappear. When did I last have it? When I was speaking to Dave on the phone in Chris’s van. Please God, let me have left it there and not with Dave. No, I’m almost certain I didn’t have it with me when I met Dave, I think, with a flood of relief.

  I snatch Chris’s keys from the pot on the hall table, head outside and open up the van. There’s no sign of the phone on the seat or dashboard. So, I rummage in the side pockets and in the glove compartment. There’s nothing but Chris’s insurance details and a couple of CDs. Next, I look on the floor under the seats and find a pen and a chewing gum wrapper but no phone. There’s only one other place it could be. I slide my hand down the back of the seats and to my intense relief I find it. But that’s not all I find. There’s something else lurking there, behind the seat. Something cold and metallic. Call it an instinct or a premonition, but I feel a chill as I pull it out and catch a glimmer of gold. Grace’s necklace – the one Tom gave her for her sixteenth birthday, the one she was wearing on the morning she went missing. It takes me a couple of seconds to grasp the significance of finding it here, and then it hits me like a sledgehammer.

  And my heart stops.

  Chapter 37

  2001

  ‘Your daddy’s coming,’ I say as I change Grace’s nappy.

  She wriggles her chubby little legs and smiles at me. I know she’s not supposed to be able to smile at this age, but I could swear she does – the little secret smile she saves just for me.

  I laugh for pure joy and kiss her belly. The skin there is so smooth and smells so good.

  ‘Your daddy’s going to love you,’ I coo. ‘And I love you too.’ It’s true. I do love her. Love has snuck up on me and taken me by surprise. And it’s a fierce love, a strong love, a kind I haven’t felt before, perhaps stronger even than my love for Hakan.

  I throw the nappy in the bin. I don’t mind the smell at all. I don’t mind anything at the moment. I’m so happy I could burst. Hakan is coming and he’ll be here within a few days. I don’t even mind that Grace’s sleepsuit is soiled and I’m going to have to change it and that maybe it’ll be stained. None of that matters because Hakan is coming. I’m so happy I’m humming a tune to myself as I tug her out of the suit, and then the doorbell rings.

  It’s Hakan already, I think, my heart leaping in my chest. Maybe he’s come early to surprise me. Trembling with excitement, I rush to the door and fling it open.

  It’s not Hakan, of course. But it’s Dave, slouching in the doorway, his hands thrust deep in his pockets like he’s fiddling with his balls. ‘Hi there, Joanna,’ he says with a nasty smile.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, swallowing my disappointment. It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. Hakan will be here soon. I can bear anything, knowing that. I can even bear Dave.

  He stares at me. ‘Well, since you ask, my DVD player’s gone missing . . . amongst other things.’ He peers round me into the living room. ‘Yeah, I thought so. There it is. Blimey, you’ve got a nerve, haven’t you?’

  He pushes past me into the room and gives me a smile that isn’t a smile. ‘You really are a thieving little toerag, Joanna,’ he says.

  I breathe in deeply. I don’t want to get into an argument right now. Not when I was having such a good day.

  ‘You don’t need it anyway. You’ve got two,’ I point out.

  ‘Yeah, well, the other one’s broken, isn’t it?’ he says, heading over to the TV and unplugging the DVD player.

  ‘I’m pretty sure it’s Mum’s but go ahead and take it if you must,’ I say.
I just want him out of here. I don’t want him anywhere near Grace and I definitely don’t want him to meet Hakan. Just his presence feels polluting.

  But Dave is in no hurry to leave. He takes off his jacket, slings it over the arm of the sofa and plonks himself down. Then he looks down at Grace who’s wriggling around on the floor in her nappy.

  ‘So, this is Grace, is it?’ he says. ‘Pretty little thing, isn’t she?’ He frowns. ‘She’ll get cold like that. Why don’t you put more clothes on her?’

  ‘I was just changing her,’ I mutter, irritated. ‘Like you’re the expert on looking after a baby all of a sudden.’ Dave is the last person in the world I need childcare tips from, I think.

  ‘Well, I know enough not to let them freeze to death,’ he shrugs. He watches me balefully while I put on a fresh sleepsuit and do up the poppers.

  ‘I need a slash,’ he announces. ‘Where’s your toilet?’

  ‘Through the kitchen.’

  When he comes back, he’s carrying a drill and a food mixer.

  ‘I believe these are mine too,’ he says.

  I don’t answer. What’s the point? He’s going to take them anyway, whatever I say.

  Once Dave is gone, along with the DVD player, the drill, the food mixer and the smell of booze and fags, I rock Grace to sleep. Then I clean the whole flat from top to toe. I want the place to be spotless for when Hakan arrives. I change the sheets on the bed, and I put Grace in her pram and head out to the shopping centre. What Dave doesn’t know is that while he was in the toilet, I extracted the wallet from his jacket and took out a few notes. He’d only waste it on booze or drugs. Isn’t it better I spend it on clothes for Grace?

  In town I stop at Mothercare to buy Gracie some sleepsuits and a new outfit: an adorable cream silk dress with embroidered flowers and a matching cardigan. When Hakan sees her in this he’ll just have to fall in love. He won’t be able to help himself. I pop into the shop next door and get some clothes for myself too: a slinky blue dress that shows off my curves, new jeans and a red off-the-shoulder top. I try them on in the changing room, touching the smooth skin on my neck and collarbone and remembering how it felt when Hakan kissed me there.

  Back at home, I stand in front of the mirror, swishing round and trying to look sexy. I’ll wear the jeans when Hakan comes, I decide. I don’t want it to look like I’ve tried too hard. I examine my face from every angle to see which expression is most flattering, and I rehearse what I’ll say and do when he arrives. What I want to do is throw myself into his arms and tell him how much I’ve missed him but that might be too intense. I don’t want to scare him away.

  ‘Did you have a good flight?’ I say coolly to my reflection. No, that’s too boring.

  ‘Well, fancy meeting you here.’ Cringe.

  It’s probably best to just play it by ear.

  I don’t get too long to think about it because Grace wakes up and starts crying. I’m feeding her in front of the telly watching Fifteen to One, shouting the answers at the screen, when the phone rings. I turn down the volume on the TV, count to five and pick it up.

  ‘Hello,’ I say trying to make my voice sound low and throaty, just in case it’s him.

  It is him.

  ‘Er, Jo, hi. This is Hakan.’ His voice, so familiar, cuts through me to my heart.

  ‘Yes. Where are you? When are you coming? I could come and meet you at the airport if you like.’ I pause for breath, trying not to sound too eager.

  There’s a short silence at the other end of the line. ‘Listen, there’s been a problem, Jo. I’m sorry but I’m not going to be able to make it.’

  Chapter 38

  The chain coils itself around my fingers.

  The blue stone catching the light winks at me like an evil eye. I don’t want to believe this. But there’s no denying the evidence of my own eyes. It’s the same necklace Grace was wearing on the day she went missing − the one I saw in the photo that Andreas took of her that morning. So, how has it ended up in Chris’s van? I thought I had everything figured out after what Dave said. But what if I’m wrong? What if she hasn’t run away at all?

  It’s hard to breathe. The air inside the van feels as if it’s been poisoned. How could he have done this to her? To us? Chris of all people.

  Betrayal. It tastes like bile in my mouth and I heave, doubling over and retching. And yet, I reflect, as I wipe my mouth, trying to gather my thoughts, I should be used to it by now. It’s not the first time I’ve been betrayed by the person I trust most in the world.

  I must have imagined it. I must have imagined the necklace in the photo. Anything else is inconceivable. But the image is stamped in my mind and I can’t erase it, no matter how much I try. I can see it so clearly, Grace smiling uncertainly at Andreas behind the camera, her hand to her throat, fingering the gold chain around her neck. The one in my hands right now. I’m certain I saw it.

  I can’t have seen it.

  But I did.

  My thoughts seesaw backwards and forwards like this. And I’m still sitting here in the passenger seat of the van, crippled by indecision and fear, when there’s a sharp rap at the window. I start and stare out at Chris, his face pressed against the pane, peering in. My heart pounding out of my chest, I shove the necklace into my pocket. Has he noticed it? If he has, he gives no sign.

  ‘What are you doing?’ he asks as I climb out of the van.

  I can’t answer. I feel as if I’m about to choke. And for a moment I am overwhelmed with blind rage. I want to pound his face with my fists and demand to know why he’s been lying and what he’s done to Grace. With an effort of will, I pull myself together. He can’t know that I know. I’m not sure how he’ll react. He’s never lifted a finger to me before and it’s hard to imagine that he could hurt me, but then again, I never in my wildest dreams imagined that he could hurt Grace either and it looks like I’m wrong about that.

  ‘My phone.’ I force myself to smile. ‘I left it in the van.’

  ‘Oh.’ He closes the front gate after us and lets Lola off the lead.

  ‘I was going to ring Stella,’ I continue. ‘I need to go and pick up Jack.’

  If I can get out of the house, I think, I can safely ring Dino without Chris overhearing me. I close my eyes, trying not to think about what it will do to Jack if his dad is guilty. It will destroy him, I think. But I can’t worry about that now or else I’ll go mad.

  ‘Oh, didn’t I tell you? Stella rang already,’ Chris says casually. ‘She said she would drop him back herself this evening. They’ve gone bowling and then she said she was going to take them to Good Burger for tea.’

  ‘Oh, that’s nice of her,’ I say automatically but inwardly I’m cursing. It means I’ll have to wait for another opportunity to ring the police. In the meantime, I need to appear as normal as possible.

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ I ask, heading to the kitchen and filling the kettle from the water cooler. I think I’m doing a good impression of being calm but when Chris comes and stands close behind me, I nearly jump out of my skin.

  ‘You’re shaking, Jo,’ he says. ‘Are you ill? Here, let me. You sit yourself down.’ He rubs my shoulders gently and I suppress a shudder.

  ‘Now you mention it, I’m not feeling too good,’ I say, letting him shepherd me to the kitchen table and into a chair. ‘I think it’s all just been a bit much. It’s been a pretty stressful day – a stressful week.’

  ‘What did Dave have to say for himself?’ Chris asks, switching on the kettle.

  ‘Oh, you know, the same old shit. He just wanted money.’

  ‘You didn’t give him any, I hope?’

  ‘I bought him a cheap flight back to the UK. One way. I thought if I gave him money, he’d only waste it.’

  Chris nods, pours the boiling water into cups and hands me one. I hold it in my trembling hands and take a sip, fighting off
an urge to gag.

  ‘I spoke to Dino about Andreas,’ he says.

  Shit, yes. I should have asked about that. It looks odd that I haven’t. ‘What did he say?’

  He shrugs and frowns. ‘He said he’ll look into it. but I’m not sure how seriously he took it. He’s still got it in for me. He doesn’t say it, but I can tell by the way he looks at me.’

  He sits opposite me, reaching out across the table and touching my hand. It takes all my self-control not to shrink away from him. It takes a huge effort of will not to call him out for the hypocrite he is.

  ‘You should go to bed, Jo. You look really ill,’ he says, stroking my palm with his thumb.

  ‘Yeah, I will soon.’

  He smiles wanly. ‘It’s going to be okay, you know. We’re going to get through this together. We’ll find a way to get Grace back. You and me – the A team.’

  I force myself to look into his eyes, those eyes I’ve always trusted so much. How could I have been so wrong about him? How could I have let Grace down so badly?

  ‘Yeah,’ I smile weakly. I still can’t really believe that Chris could have done this. But what alternative is there?

  I withdraw my hand. What the hell am I going to do? I know the answer to that, of course. I have to tell the police about what I’ve found. But before I do, before I betray my husband and risk destroying my family, I need to talk to Andreas, to see the photo again to make absolutely certain that Grace was wearing the necklace that morning – that this isn’t one huge mistake. But how to go and talk to Andreas without Chris insisting on coming?

  Right now, I feel as if the walls are closing in on me and all I want to do is get away from him, get out of this room. After a couple of minutes, I murmur something about needing the loo, escape upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet lid, I turn on the tap and let the water run and, with shaking hands, I message Stella.